I read Amy's blog today and I cried. A lot. Amy shared a perfect letter she wrote to Leah, that she gave at her funeral. It is tender, sweet, inspiring and fills my heart with love, hope and strengthens my testimony.
I love my girls. I miss Leah.
Dearest Leah,
We all miss you, but
I have a pretty good feeling you already know that.
I’m gonna try and
read this without too much crying, because I know you’d rather have us all
laughing.
So, how is Heaven? How does it feel to be
free from your tired body? After I heard you left us, I prayed and prayed that
God would be gentle with you. Are you doing okay? When you saw Grami for the first time, did she give you a love
pat on your butt, or a kiss on the lips? Probably both. And if there's any way
for her to be spoiling you in Heaven right now, I know she is.
I already miss the
way you always said “Hey Ame,” whenever you saw me or answered the phone. You
know how to give the best hugs, and how to make anyone laugh. Somehow, your
sarcasm has never been hurtful, just funny. And we've always loved being around
you.
It’s hard to believe
it was just last week, when you were cracking jokes around the dinner table on
Thanksgiving. They were really dumb jokes too, but we were laughing at how
funny YOU thought they were.
I remember when I was just starting middle
school. I was not happy to be growing up. You tried to cheer me up by saying
that Schlauder girls have a special power, and together, we came up with a
Schlauder power cheer. We stood in a circle, put our hands in the middle,
chanted “Schlauder Power,” then raised them up with a sassy, “Schlauder girls
got attitude.” (There may have been a handshake or a dance afterwards. I’m not
really sure.) But me and Ally felt really cool to have a cheer with our older
sisters.
I remember sitting
in the front seat of your teal green Camaro, learning all the words to Mariah
Carey’s song. “Heartbreaker” with you. I still have it memorized. And I think
of you every time I hear it. (Or anything Destiny's Child.)
I remember one time
sitting in your chair at your salon. You brought a pack of index cards and
markers. We thought of 100 (or more) reasons why you loved your husband, and we
took turns decorating the cards for his Valentine’s Day present. Your heart's
always been so big, and you've always had so much love to share.
I remember the themed birthday parties you
planned for your kids, and the way you wanted your house to always be decorated
just right. I know you love your kids more than any of us can even comprehend.
And I promise you, Leah, that we will all take such good care of them, and let
them know how much you love them.
Leah, you are far more beautiful than you
have ever realized. You have touched so many lives, just by the simple ways you
make others feel good about themselves. You've always loved doing hair because
you wanted other people to feel beautiful. I remember the joy you felt when you
made women with cancer feel beautiful again. So many people love you, Leah. I
hope you will someday see the beauty we all see in you, and the beauty our
Heavenly Father sees in you.
I
know you want to be better. We all want to be better. I'm just so grateful that
that progression, of being a little bit better every day, doesn’t end in this
life. I’m so grateful that you can become the Leah you’ve always wanted to be.
And I can become the Amy I've always wanted to be. I find comfort believing
that now, that progression will be less painful for you.
I
don't understand exactly how Christ's Atonement makes it possible for
Him to be the perfect judge, but I know it does. I know He died for me and for
you. He knows what we struggle with, what hurts us most, and how to best to
heal us. Maybe this life got just a little too hard for your soft heart. And
Heavenly Father wanted to wrap His arms around you and welcome you home.
Lee Lee, I miss you dearly, but I know I will
see you again. I hope that by the way I live my life, that I can show you how
very much I love you and look forward to laughing with you again.
Love always and forever,
Amy
