Reminiscing...

Last week my dear friend Keri shared her sister in law's blog with me. It is so beautiful. Leslie is an amazing writer. On one post she had this poem and I have thought about it all week...

Going
~~Patricia Fargnoli

The children walk off
into crowds of strangers
their laces tied
their backs straight.
They wave to you
from platforms you cannot reach.
You want to hang on.
Running after them,
you thrust out small packages:
vitamins, a new blouse, guilt.
But they keep discarding
Your dreams for their own.
They carry admonitions
in their pockets
and their children will sing
your lullabies,
so that, finally, knowing this,
you let go.
They blur, fade.
You settle back.
The years pass, silent as clouds.
Sundays they come for dinner,
serve up slices of their lives,
but it’s not the same.
Sometimes, in a crowd,
you will catch a glimpse
of long braids,
a ribbon streaming,
and you will remember----
a head beneath your hand,
a quilt tucked in,
small things snapping on a line.

I love this poem. My heart has been filled with lots of emotions lately and reminiscing. I am humbled and grateful that Heavenly Father allowed me to be a mother. He trusted me with five of His precious daughters. I am truly blessed. I don't feel that I have done a good enough job in that most sacred calling...and I have been beating myself up a lot lately wishing I could turn back time and do some things over again...If I could, I would teach better, be more patient, love more openly, criticize less, never miss family night, stop sweating the small stuff, shower them with praise and tell them daily how wonderful they are, smother them with hugs and kisses, study the scriptures better, never really get mad at them & never be angry (it doesn't help anything)...just love them and make certain that at every minute of their growing up they knew how much I love them... But, we are where we are and we have done what we've done... with the great, the good and the not so good all mixed in together. I hope they will forgive me for the not so good. I can honestly say... that at each step of raising our little family I truly did the best I knew how to do at the time... I just wish I knew more or knew better. Today, while I am being a little bit sentimental, I want each one of my precious girls to know that I love God, I love my Savior, I love their dad, and I love them unconditionally and with more love than my heart can hold. I believe in them. I am grateful for our priceless temple covenants and our promise of being a forever family. I am grateful that God loved us so much that He sent His Son to atone for our sins and to die for us .
I am grateful for Christmas.

I used to think "Yea right!" when older, much wiser moms would say to me when all of our kids were little, "Enjoy everything because one day you'll turn around and they will be all grown up!" Well, I did turn around and they did grow up...far too quickly. We are truly blessed with beautiful, good, kind hearted, loving, sweet, talented and special daughters.

I am so grateful to be your mother. I. Love. You.
I found these pictures today and I cried... Where did all the years go?